A Teenage Angel's Suicide Letter
by crystal-clefairy
Summary: Anyone would think Quinn was a normal "happy" teenage girl, but she had more problems than anyone would have had even imagined. Quinn and her boyfriend, Puck, were what anyone would call the "perfect" couple, up until tragedy hit, changing everything.
1. Chapter 1

NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR  Hey guys, This is a two shot with Puck and Quinn.  
>It's a pretty tragic sad one... so be prepared.<br>Hope you guys like it.  
>Reviews are appreciated.<p>Much love,<br>Crystal

We were in New York because Regionals were being held here this year. All the members of New Directions had gone out for lunch. They had asked if I had wanted to come but I didn't really feel up to it, since Quinn wasn't here. She wasn't able to make it to Regionals this year because she was having problems at home, and her mum wouldn't let her go. I was sitting on the lounge in hotel room we were staying in, flicking through the channels on the TV. Boredom was killing me slowly. I stopped suddenly, when I came across a headline…

_**"BREAKING NEWS."**_

A car had run off the side of the road, straight through the guardrail into the rushing river. They were going at an inconceivable speed. There was no alcohol or drugs involved, the police think there might have been fog that night. The case was still being investigated as the body found inside was unknown.

As the investigation continued, they found out who the person was. A picture of the girl that had died flashed up on screen… **"****Quinn****Fabray****"**

I couldn't believe who it was. It was my best friend, and my girlfriend of 2 years, Quinn. They showed a picture she had taken of herself, which she posted on her Facebook. Her short blonde hair nestled on her shoulders, her beautiful hazel greeneyes sparkled and her smile looked so genuine. I stopped dead in my tracks, sweat poured over my body, the remote slid from my hand, and made a loud thud, as it hit the floor. I dropped to the ground and stared blankly at the TV screen, hoping to God it was all just a dream.

"_Quinn__… __Quinn__… __No__… __No__… __No__…__"_  
>I kept repeating her name. My entire body nearing violent convulsions, I rocked back and forth clutching my stomach, feeling a wave of nausea. I never, in my wildest dreams, thought that the person in that car would be Quinn. She was so young and full of life. It felt like part of me had been robbed. No one knew her, like I did. She was bubbly and outgoing, which I loved about her. At the same time she could be quiet and shy; she was such a smart girl, she loved to read, and loved the outdoors and had a great love for animals. I knew she had been through some hard times recently, but I never thought it would end like this.<p>

The closest experience I had ever had to deal with death was my dog, Rex's death when I was just a boy. I didn't really understand the concept of death then and I made peace with it; I was never going to see Rex again. But how was I ever going to make peace with my girlfriend taking her own life? She was so young. She had so much more life to live, so much more to give to the world. Why had she taken her own life? It made no sense.

I didn't want to come to terms with the truth we call reality. It hurt too much. I had just lost my best friend, my girlfriend, the girl I was going to marry some day, the person I went to for everything.

It switched to live footage at the scene; there were police, ambulance, and fire brigade there. Her car was being towed from the dark, murky water. Her parents stood on the sidelines, they were complete messes. They had just lost their only child.

The reporter became teary eyed as he read the latest report;

"_**News just in, police have come to the conclusion that the crash was no accident. It looks like the young lady in the car, Quinn, took her own life."**_

The end of his sentence rang in my ears. _**"**__**Took**____**her**____**own**____**life**__**…"**_  
>At that moment my heart broke into a million pieces. The silence was deafening, I could practically hear my heart break. The police found a letter she was clutching in her hand. The writing on the envelope was unclear.<p>

Police were interviewing her father. He put on this fake façade, pretending like he was still in love with Quinn's mother, hugging her close and lovingly, when everyone knew they had spilt as soon as he found out Quinn was pregnant with my baby, and her mother was going to stand by and support Quinn. He told the police how it was such a shock to him and his wife because she always seemed to be so happy. Never in his wildest dreams would he have thought that she would ever take her own life. How would he have known? He hadn't seen Quinn since he found out she was pregnant. Her mother was hysterical, tears flowing from her eyes like a waterfall, there was no way she could have said anything to the police. I knew that deep down, that they both really knew, how she truly felt, but both of them chose not to believe it.

Right at that moment, I turned off the TV, and my phone began to ring. It was Finn, my best friend since we were kids.

"Puck, I just heard what happened. We're all on the way back to the hotel right now. We'll be there as soon as possible." He said, in a shaky voice.

"Okay" was all I could manage to say.  
>I didn't want to speak. After all, what was there to say? I felt dead inside. I was still in a state of complete shock and total horror.<p>

It didn't seem real. Sometime soon I had to wake up. This all seemed too unreal to be reality. I must be having a nightmare.

I hung the phone up, and I let my body fall onto the floor. An overwhelming sadness fell over me. I couldn't take it anymore, I let the tears that built up in my eyes, slide down my face. Any other time, I would have picked up the phone and called Quinn, and cry, but she wasn't here anymore. It felt as though a big black cloud had formed around my heart, I felt a devastating pain.

That night was pure hell. I didn't get a wink of sleep. Reality felt like a nightmare, and I wanted to wake up from it. The next day, I walked past the mirror and caught a glimpse of my pale face, and bloodshot eyes, in our cold, dark hotel room. Looking over at a picture of Quinn and me, in happier times, which I had placed on my night stand, and the tears began to fall again. I slid down onto to the carpet, leaned against the bed and cried. The pain and confusion I felt, poured down my cheeks.

**_Knock,__knock_. **

"Puck, you up yet?" Finn asked.

Standing up, I wiped my face, "Yeah…come in."

Finn and Sam walked in holding vases of flowers, stacks of cards, and teddy bears sent by friends and family. Gifts wouldn't make the situation any easier, if anything, it made it much worse. Finn and Sam walked over to the table beside my bed and placed them down.

"How are you feeling?" Sam asked in a worried tone, looking at me.

"As good as a guy, that his best friend and girlfriend had killed themselves, can feel." I replied in a monotone.

Finn walked over to me, to give me a hug, hoping to console me in some way. Immediately after the accident, Finn had stepped up to play the "big brother" role. I struggled to hold my composure, and leaned my head against his shoulder; I could feel the tears begin to flow again.

"Why, Finn? I just don't understand!" I wailed.

"I wish I could give you an answer, Puck, but I just don't know. We all knew, deep down inside, she wasn't happy, but we never expected this. I guess, all I can say is that God has a bigger plan for her, then we could have ever imagined…"

"Yeah…" I interrupted, not wanting to be reminded of how she died. I wiped the tears from my face again.

"Puck, it's okay. No one is expecting you to be strong. Let it all out…we're not judging you. We understand," Finn said, placing his arm around my shoulders.

Sam reluctantly stood on the other side of the hotel room, trying to divert his attention away from me. He hated to see anyone in pain, but the thought of me being so distressed truly troubled him. He felt hopeless, like there was nothing he could do. He didn't know what to say, he couldn't joke about a situation like this. He pulled his phone out, and looked at the screen for a few seconds. He never said a word, as he looked one last time over at us, and slipped out of the room. Tears welled up in his own eyes, and he walked back to his room and prayed for my sadness to be taken away.

Finn stayed to console me further.

"Puck, you know I'm here for you… whenever you need to talk. If you ever just want to get out of this hotel, call me, and we'll go. Whatever you need…I don't care if it's four in the morning…I'm here," said Finn.

I gave Finn another hug, trying to express all of my gratitude without saying a word.

"I'll let you be alone for awhile. You should really check out some of this stuff," Finn said, looking over at all the gifts on the table and leaving the room, closing the door behind him.

After Finn left the room, I walked over to the window and opened the curtains. The bright sun shined on my face. I grabbed a gift basket and pulled out some of the chocolates lining the bottom, I unraveled one and popped it into my mouth. I pulled off the envelope that was attached. When I opened it, it revealed a hand painted card, on the front read;

_"Talked to God this morning, and asked him to give you peace, hope and strength in your time of loss and sadness."_

Inside of the card it read;

"_**To dear Noah,**_

_**The school is saddened to hear about the loss of your girlfriend, Quinn.  
>The students &amp; staff of McKinley High and I send our deepest condolences and are thinking of you in this very hard time.<br>If you need anything, do not hesitate to ask.  
>From Principal Figgins." <strong>_

As I read those words, I opened the window and breathed in the fresh air that filled the room. The warmth of the sun joined with the cool breeze, made to feel at peace. Even if for only a short while, it was as if Quinn was letting me know that, with time, everything would be alright. I looked down at the card again and held it against my chest. Looking out the window, up into the clear blue sky, I pictured her face looking back at me.

"I love you, Quinn. I need you here with me. I can't go on without you…"

But as thoughts of Quinn filled my mind, I began to grow mad, I could feel the rage boiling inside, another phase in the grieving process. I had gone through the sadness phase, crying all night and day, and hiding from the world. Through the disbelief phase, this led to the denial phase. Anger and confusion rose inside of me I had to release all of this pain and emotion, even if it meant causing more damage to those that care about me.


	2. Chapter 2

A Teenage Angel's Suicide Note. {Part 2}

I walked over to the mirror again and ran my fingers over my face, glaring at the bags under my eyes.

_**Knock, knock.**_

I ignored it.

"Puck!"

It was Artie and Mike this time.

"PUCK!" they screamed.

"GO AWAY!" I yelled back.

I wasn't in the mood to see anybody.

"What's wrong?" Artie asked.

"Are you stupid? What isn't wrong? EVERYTHING is wrong. Just leave."

"We're not going to leave." Mike said.

"Please Puck, just open the door." Artie said.

"NO!" I yelled.

"Puck, come on." Mike said.

"NO!" I yelled again.

I plunged my fist into the mirror, causing the glass to shatter. My weakened body sprawled out on the floor. My face began to hurt, as I tried to hold back the tears that refused to stop falling from my eyes. I jumped up, and paced back and forth in my small room. Screaming, I stomped over to the bed, and threw everything onto the ground. The cards and stuffed toys were scattered everywhere. Picking up a vase filled with flowers, I threw it at the wall. The glass shattered, falling to the floor, leaving a trail of water on the wall and carpet.

Hearing all the noise, Artie and Mike rammed the door, causing it to swing open; they both rushed over to me, sitting in the corner of the room, rocking back and forth; tears running down my face uncontrollably.

"GET OUT!" I yelled.

Mike ran over grabbing me, and pulling me into a hug.

"Puck, stop it! It's going to be okay…" he said.

"IT'S NOT OKAY!" I screamed with fresh, hot tears running down my cheeks.

"Stop saying it's going to be okay… because it's not okay! Nothing is okay. IT'S NOT OKAY THAT MY GIRLFRIEND TOOK HER OWN LIFE." I yelled.

"I'm sorry, Puck…how am I suppose to know how you're feeling or what you're going through? I need you to talk to me. I want to understand, so I can help you," Mike said, trying to hug me.

I pushed him away, "JUST GET OFF ME!"

Pushing past Artie, I took off running out of the hotel room, but stopping just outside, in the hallway, leaning against the wall, I slid down it, collapsing on the floor. I realized I had nowhere to go; there was nowhere to run to, and hide from all of this. The only person that could make this pain disappear was the one that caused all the pain in the first place.

I barely dragged myself out of bed the next day. I didn't want to face this day that lay ahead of me. It was the day of the funeral. My mum told me I looked like death. I didn't look like myself, neither did I feel myself. It was probably because I had cried myself to sleep that night. The Noah Puckerman that everyone knew and loved, had been replaced by a stone-faced robotic replica of me. My mum didn't trust me to drive, though I wasn't the one that took my last breath.

The service was closed casket, since Quinn's face and body had been distorted. The only way I ever imagined being in the church with her, was the day Quinn would walk down the aisle towards me. Definitely not with her laying lifelessly in a box and the sounds of sobs echoing around the vaulted ceilings. We were in here for all the wrong reasons, because she left this earth.

The priest pulled out a blood stained note. It was the one that Quinn was clutching in her hand. He read out loud, the last words she wrote. With every word, he quivered.

_**"I tried as hard as I could, but not even you could heal my pain. When the fact is, pain doesn't hurt when it's all you've ever felt. It's time to receive my wings, and fly in the clouds with the angels. You'll never see my face again – until it's your turn to join me.**_

_**I'm shaking as I write this letter. I cannot go on living this lie they call life. I just can't handle it anymore. Please don't give me sympathy when you find my bleeding, lifeless body, lying on the floor. I wish not to be resuscitated. I have decided to leave this life, and there is no turning back now. Everyone was aware of how I felt, but they turned there backs on the truth, not wanting to believe just how depressed I really was. Instead they believed a lie, made up in their minds, which told them I was a perfectly happy teenager. Giving up my baby was one of the hardest decisions I had ever had to make. I would have kept Beth, but dad, how could you have made me choose between my daughter and keeping you around? How could a father do that to his only daughter?**_

_**I never wanted to stay here. Strength is what I lack. I've been slitting my wrists for months now, over dosing on pills. Wearing a mask that never comes off and crying tears at night which were never showed. I've become numb to everyone's touch. I'm getting woozy now. So long and goodnight to this cruel world, I'll miss you, but you see there are better things out there.**_

_**I never wanted to hurt the person this is to, you know who you are, but I need to let go of this life. One last thing I have to say to you, the promises we made, places we'd go, are still very possible. If you keep me in your heart, and live out our dreams for the both of us, I'll always be with you."**_

My eyes were closed through the whole letter. I thought about how the truth really is elusive. Deep down inside everyone knew how Quinn felt, even though she never showed it. No one chose to believe it. Maybe if they did, she would have gotten some help, and she'd be here in my arms, where she belonged. My eyes shot open at the last few words, it was almost as though my thoughts were being heard. I was thinking about the plans we made.

As the service went on, I heard some forced sobs.  
>Finally, the service came to an end; they played <em>"Highway<em>_to__Hell"__by__AC-DC_. I heard a few grasps, but a small smile played at my lips, through the tears. Quinn and I always joked about someone playing that song at their funeral. I guess she wanted to go out with a bang, she always liked giving people the unexpected, and that song was definitely unexpected.

On the way to the cemetery, from the corner of my eye, I saw a figure in the clouds. It was a face in the clouds above, which looked like Quinn's. I couldn't be strong any longer. I let all my emotions out, tears flowing freely down my face; I became hysterical, lying on the floor next to the casket, begging not to let her go.

SHE DOESN'T LIKE BEING ALONE.

DON'T PUT HER IN THE DARK!

I NEED HER MORE THAN ANY OF YOU WILL EVER KNOW!" I screamed.

My mum held me back.

"Sweetie, she's gone." Mum said.

I yelled at her, "I NEED HER TO BE ALIVE. IF I HAVE TO, I'M GOING WITH HER."

I thought about jumping into the hole and being buried alive, with her. I had fanaticized, relentlessly, about my own death, after Quinn's death. I hated my life now. I hated everything. I hated what was happening. I hated that I would never hear her voice again. I hated that she would never touch me again, never call again, never wrestle with me again, and never kiss me again. She was gone, gone forever. My life was gone. My life was over. Deep down, I wasn't ready to die. But in moments, like these, of gut-wrenching pain, living just didn't seem worth it.

My family and friends held me close. It wasn't the right way to act in front of hurting people, especially Quinn's mum, considering the way Quinn died. A teenager should never say that they want to die. I couldn't help myself; she was my best friend, my partner in life.

After the burial and everyone had left, I asked my mum if I could stay back. I still couldn't bring myself to believe that Quinn was gone. Just as I was about to say my final goodbye, on the gravestone I saw a shadow casting onto it. It was of me and her, but she had her angel wings, just like she said in her letter.

I knew after that moment, she'd always be with me, in my heart.  
>I knew that eventually, everything would get better in time.<p> 


End file.
